Birth Journey

Wow...this has been and I assume will continue to be such a journey for me. To be completely honest with you, when I was pregnant with Isaac I was completely overwhelmed and basically shut down towards the end. That manifested literally with the preeclampsia, and I ended up having a hospital birth by c-section. This was my worst nightmare. I feel that I am not shutting down this time; at least not yet and hopefully I will not. In fact, for the first time today I have actually considered a hospital birth. With Isaac I was terrified of the hospital because I feared that I would have no control over the decisions that would be made. What I learned is that it doesn't matter where I birth, I have as much or as little control over the situation as I think I do. In other words, had I birthed at the birthing center or even at home, my fear of not being in control would still manifest in some way.

Looking back on my hospital experience, I enjoyed being taken care of and I think this is part of the draw that got me to think seriously about a hospital birth again this time. Imagining my experience at home…I do not feel confident that I can create the environment that I want. It feels almost too free. On the other hand, I need to ask more questions at the hospital. I say I want to be “taken care of” but to what extent? At what point do the doctors and nurses take over and “take care” of me so much that they are making decisions for me? I have made an appointment at the Central Maine Medical Center (CMMC) for this Friday to tour the Special Delivery birthing unit and to ask the question that I have. I have a list of questions that stem from wanting to create an experience where the basics are convenient (food, bed, hot tub, etc) but where I am highly involved in the birth. For example, I want to have James catch the baby, or be as involved as he can/as he is comfortable. He also would like to be involved and cut the umbilical cord. And I want to have the baby immediately after birth and not have him/her be whisked away to get cleaned up first. Will these be options in the hospital? I hope to have those kinds of questions answered this Friday.

This time it is mainly been a financial issue for me. I do not have insurance and I was hoping that a home birth would be an option and be successful. Not only is an uncomplicated home birth less expensive but Brenda is willing to do almost half of her service fee in trade and also willing to trade for part of the other half as a member of Maine Time Dollars Program (more on this later). I was not aware until recently that money was a large deciding factor in where I want to deliver, and with Brenda’s help (the midwife) I realized where my thoughts were and that is not a good enough reason alone to choose home birth. So I am looking into more options. The birthing center in Portland is not an option because they will not allow vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). So I am left with home birth or hospital birth.

So, as I mentioned before, I feel I am much more open to the journey of pregnancy and child birth this time around. I am proud of myself for searching for what is right for me and us. I feel this opening is manifesting in other ways as well. For example, my Aunt Lucy and Grandmother just “happened” to buy me a baby book and I just “happened” to pick it up tonight, and it just “happened” that the first thing I noticed was a section on bleeding gums. This was a symptom of my last pregnancy as well as this one and I had not been able to find information about it online. This section claims a relationship between bleeding gums (pregnancy gingivitis) and premature birth; as well as preeclampsia!! I am looking into contacting Barbara Beaty to have the QX Machine look to see if I have preeclampsia and what I can do about it naturally. I am planning to follow up with a dentist who will ssssssssscrape my teeth…ugh, if necessary. I will let you know what I find out!