I guess I will have to tell the dentist to pull my tooth out. I asked about my x-rays from early this fall, and all checked out. I told them that my tooth was hurting me....she told me to swish with salt water and call her back in a few days if that didn't take care of things. If it is an abcessed tooth all they would do is give me antibiotics which I don't want. So I have some potent natural mouth wash which seems to be helping although I will most likely eventually have it pulled.

I have decided to deliver at Central Maine Medical Center. It is about a 3-5min drive from our house and this will make is easy if I am in the hosp for an extended stay, to get back and forth to home. I though about Mercy...a hosp in Portland but that is about an hour away. I think CMMC is good enough and I should be able to qualify for free care there assuming I can get my taxes done soon. I have almost everything put together...just James W-2 from New Mexico...sigh.

I will have my second appt at cmmc with a midwife as well as a 20wk ultrasound. I will let you know how that goes!

As for how I am feeling...I am "okay". I know from Barbara (QX Machine) that I am already toxic. I am eating lots of protein and on alot of vitamins and minerals that my body needs. There is no way to rid the toxins without harm to the baby.
So, I get tired easily and am glad for days off...tyring to balance earning money and getting rest. smile.

Birth Journey

Wow...this has been and I assume will continue to be such a journey for me. To be completely honest with you, when I was pregnant with Isaac I was completely overwhelmed and basically shut down towards the end. That manifested literally with the preeclampsia, and I ended up having a hospital birth by c-section. This was my worst nightmare. I feel that I am not shutting down this time; at least not yet and hopefully I will not. In fact, for the first time today I have actually considered a hospital birth. With Isaac I was terrified of the hospital because I feared that I would have no control over the decisions that would be made. What I learned is that it doesn't matter where I birth, I have as much or as little control over the situation as I think I do. In other words, had I birthed at the birthing center or even at home, my fear of not being in control would still manifest in some way.

Looking back on my hospital experience, I enjoyed being taken care of and I think this is part of the draw that got me to think seriously about a hospital birth again this time. Imagining my experience at home…I do not feel confident that I can create the environment that I want. It feels almost too free. On the other hand, I need to ask more questions at the hospital. I say I want to be “taken care of” but to what extent? At what point do the doctors and nurses take over and “take care” of me so much that they are making decisions for me? I have made an appointment at the Central Maine Medical Center (CMMC) for this Friday to tour the Special Delivery birthing unit and to ask the question that I have. I have a list of questions that stem from wanting to create an experience where the basics are convenient (food, bed, hot tub, etc) but where I am highly involved in the birth. For example, I want to have James catch the baby, or be as involved as he can/as he is comfortable. He also would like to be involved and cut the umbilical cord. And I want to have the baby immediately after birth and not have him/her be whisked away to get cleaned up first. Will these be options in the hospital? I hope to have those kinds of questions answered this Friday.

This time it is mainly been a financial issue for me. I do not have insurance and I was hoping that a home birth would be an option and be successful. Not only is an uncomplicated home birth less expensive but Brenda is willing to do almost half of her service fee in trade and also willing to trade for part of the other half as a member of Maine Time Dollars Program (more on this later). I was not aware until recently that money was a large deciding factor in where I want to deliver, and with Brenda’s help (the midwife) I realized where my thoughts were and that is not a good enough reason alone to choose home birth. So I am looking into more options. The birthing center in Portland is not an option because they will not allow vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). So I am left with home birth or hospital birth.

So, as I mentioned before, I feel I am much more open to the journey of pregnancy and child birth this time around. I am proud of myself for searching for what is right for me and us. I feel this opening is manifesting in other ways as well. For example, my Aunt Lucy and Grandmother just “happened” to buy me a baby book and I just “happened” to pick it up tonight, and it just “happened” that the first thing I noticed was a section on bleeding gums. This was a symptom of my last pregnancy as well as this one and I had not been able to find information about it online. This section claims a relationship between bleeding gums (pregnancy gingivitis) and premature birth; as well as preeclampsia!! I am looking into contacting Barbara Beaty to have the QX Machine look to see if I have preeclampsia and what I can do about it naturally. I am planning to follow up with a dentist who will ssssssssscrape my teeth…ugh, if necessary. I will let you know what I find out!

Isaac Orange Hat

Christmas gift from Uncle Evan!

Happy HomeOwners

Happy HomeOwners

The Holidays

Hello! Sorry to all of you who check this more often than I post!

In my opinion, we had a great holiday season. We didn't get much done with the house over my break from work, but we did spend time with family and friends which I would rather do anyway. We spent Christmas day and the day after with my Grandmother, Aunt, Uncle and Cousins in Gorham. And we had a second Christmas the weekend after (new year's eve) at James' father's house in Lincolnville. Isaac is now drowning in Christmas gifts! Lots of books and cool toys. People obviously had fun shopping for him!
We got a baby backpack...so now my only excuse for not getting out hiking/walking is that I don't have boots to walk in the snow. Easy to remedy.

Now I am back to work...and my new project is to get our filing in order and a budget started. We have many more expenses now with a house and I am loosing track of what is going out and what is coming in. I am not looking forward to the process and fear I may procrastinate....

Speaking of which , I still have not picked a midwife. Still have only interviewed the two...and can't decide. I feel stuck...maybe I need to take a step to knowif it feels right. Hmmm...I welcome comments on that! smile

Isaac is walking now...with our help and in his walker. And he gives kisses!!!! It is the most sloppy, adorable experience!!! I love it!

Okay...Isaac needs to eat. And so do I. More later folks.